Transparency in Action

"Although I actively participate in a network of blogs, Facebook, and Twitter, I question whether we are truly creating new communities or merely using one another as commodities. Are the friends and followers I collect truly friends? Or are they just potential customers of my ego, possible readers, or promising hosts for whatever viral meme I want to inject into them? While I may write clever posts about the evils of consumerism, am I really just seeking to create consumers of me? In fact, is this article yet one more example of my own shameless self-promotion? And was that last question just the old marketing trick of admitting one’s minor flaws in order to seem more credible?"

-Don Heatley, recently posted on the Emergent Village website.
http://www.emergentvillage.com/weblog/communities-or-commodities

What an interesting thought... I keep wondering why the hell I am writing this blog, especially when I don't update it nearly as often as I wish I did. And I wonder who my audience is: family, friends, strangers? I don't really know. I guess in a lot of ways I hope to have some sort of centralized recollection for myself, and if a silent observer happens to gain from it, great. A point of return in a mess of thinking that I often have. But further, what is the purpose of writing any of this? I suppose I really hope to have true transparency of my feelings, thoughts, but most importantly, my actions. I read this section of the post above and I think about how often I tirade against endless battles: politics, economics, social disease, but what good are any words without genuine relationships. And what good is anything if it is self-promoting (which I am constantly guilty of)? The last sentence in this post by Mr. Heatley really hit me - how often do we talk to people about our problems in such a way that we trick ourselves into thinking we are open about our shortcomings, but still make a pitch to others about how qualified we are to be leaders? How come pastors, politicians, parents, and teachers are revered for their "perfection", when in fact we are all broken?

Why aren't we more transparent and honest about our major (and minor!) flaws? I mean, isn't that when real growth, and real relationship occurs?

So here goes my first attempt at the transparency I so long for:

I often find myself gripped by pornography. I smoke marijuana, I love beer, and I sometimes lose myself in what may be too much of either. I’m lethargic by choice at times, and I can curse up something fierce that would make even the most rugged sailor blush. I started smoking at 15, and have struggled for some 10 years to kick the habit. I am habitually apathetic towards other’s needs, and I’m cheap. I love my family and my girlfriend, and would do anything for any one of them. I try to be a good friend, although frequently am not. But most importantly, I love God, and desire to have an intimate relationship with Him through the example of Jesus’ life. Although not always an outstanding Christian example, my constant yearning to be a better man provides me ample opportunities to see a better tomorrow, but not for a moment without a growing comprehension of the amazing grace and forgiveness our God of Love offers us each daily.

Honesty, Love, Accountability, Fellowship, Vision
or
How I hope to be a good pastor.